Is it possible to love someone too much? No. God is love and He wants us to love as He did.
However, in the case of expressing that love, some Italian mothers are known to be a little over-the-top. Okay, a lot over-the-top! In fact, this is a common trait among Italians in general, but an Italian mother… fagettaboutit! She’s an over-doer to the nth degree. And the rest of her family will attest – as they sit back and enjoy the spoils of her expressions of love – that above all, her son (the apple of her eye, he-can-do-no-wrong son), is spoiled beyond measure.
When my son was growing up, the haters criticized my doting, and I couldn’t have cared less. They’d say, “You do everything including wiping his butt.” True, what’s it to you? My works and words of praise caused many to roll their eyes. It didn’t matter to me. It was my pleasure to serve someone with the kind of love my mother served me. I was made fun of, mocked, and even ridiculed. What’s that song by Taylor Swift? “Shake It Off”? Yeah, that’s the one. That’s exactly what I did.
I had nurtured a daughter for 4+ years before my son came along, doing all the girly things moms and daughters do. It was wonderful. I wondered if I could adapt myself to caring for a baby boy. Diaper changes and wardrobes aside, I found that loving that little kid was just as natural.
I smothered both with kisses and affection, sat them on my lap, and wrapped my arms around them. I took every opportunity to embrace them. As they became more independent and desired to run free to play, I let go a bit. I’ll admit, I didn’t really let go. Instead, I followed them like a shadow until I was confident in their abilities. Many years after rearing my kids, I read a concept in the book The Joseph Blessing. It defined what I believe every mom genuinely wants for their children. The message spoke volumes to me and it made me consider that our love as mothers should have an end goal that transitions this way:
When our babies are little, they are unconsciously incompetent. They don’t realize they can’t do for themselves. Our mothering is to satisfy every need they have. As they crawl or toddle along discovering life through their limited abilities, we are their safeguard. Hopefully, we catch them before they fall. But the simple truth that they don’t know they are solely reliant on us doesn’t change the fact that they are.
The next stage we encounter is when our littles become consciously incompetent. They realize they cannot climb to the top of the jungle gym, but tenaciously want to. They reach for our hand to steady them during their ascent, but take full credit for the victory when they reach the top. Somewhere in their minds, they were aware of their inability to go it alone – hence an outstretched hand for assistance. This particular juncture in life hits more than just kiddos if you really think about it. As a mom, I have been consciously incompetent in many circumstances, like how to react when your kid pitches a fit in a store. Or how ‘bout when they blatantly stare at an inappropriately dressed person? Or, when they ask the inevitable question, “Where do babies come from?” There are times I was completely ill-equipped to respond and would have loved nothing more than to rescue them from the top of the jungle gym instead!
The next step in this progression is when you really start doling out high-fives. Every accomplishment achieved is recognized and acknowledged because your kid has become consciously competent. Whether it be watching them ride a bike without training wheels or seeing your son’s first radio song makes it to platinum status on the Billboard Charts (*wink wink*), you will undoubtedly hear the sweetest tune, “Hey look Ma, I made it!”
The final stage is when your youngster masters a skill like climbing the stairs or putting on their own shoes. They become unconsciously competent. They do not even acknowledge the skill they’ve achieved by mastering the stairs or putting on shoes, they simply do it in an effort to get to the second floor or to avoid walking outside barefoot. It is this place when a mother has reached an end-goal that deserves celebrating! (Fathers, too, of course, but this is a mother/daughter blog and it’s almost Mother’s Day, so it’s about us today!) Whether she realizes it or not, she has raised a child that transitioned from unconsciously incompetent to unconsciously competent.
So, whether you are an excessive Italian mother who can’t do enough for her precious bambinos, or an ordinary mom who knows her babies are extraordinary, all those kisses you steal, high-fives you dole out, and hugs you dispense are developing something else, too – an unconsciously competent assurance that mama loves them! Our love can’t be reckoned with, can’t be calculated, and should not be underestimated! It’s a love that God Himself passed on to us and It’s supernatural! It’s an over-the-top love and I, for one, am all in!